Stop Running

The other day my little girls dog got out. He ran around, like a wild man through the trees and back and forth between the neighbors houses.  There was something beautiful about this but at the same time, it was an act of disobedience.  We hollered and called but he kept running.  Moments later he was at the door, out of breath, muddy, wet and remorseful.  As we opened the door, his head was hung low.  He knew he'd done something he shouldn't.  He knew he'd disobeyed.  As my daughter sternly spoke to him, he wouldn't even lift his head to look her in the eye.  I sometimes see my life like this.  I just go, go, go.  It's not that I don't want to hear, sometimes I know that hearing will be difficult and my running will produce scolding.  As one who's been a victim of abuse, I learned at an early age how to "cope", to get by, to make things bearable, to endure.  One of my greatest coping mechanisms is avoidance.  If I ignore it, maybe it will go away.  Ok, hear me here...I'm not saying this is a healthy way to deal with things.  I'm just being super real with you.  Issues don't just go away, hurts don't just fix themselves.  Hanging my head and not looking to The Father is the worst thing I cold do.  In Him is peace and rest.  Matthew 6:34 clearly tells us not to worry!  But do I look away, YES...more than I should.  Acting like everything is ok doesn't make it ok and it doesn't make the pain go away.  Some of you can relate to what I'm saying.  Some of you also have things in your life that you really just don't want to deal with, things that you wish would just work themselves out on their own because you just can't do it.  You may even be thinking that dealing with it is just too hard.  I understand, really, I get it.  If I'm the queen of anything, this is it!  I've created this little world of bliss that I want to think I'm the ruler of.  News flash, I'm no queen and I don't live in a perfect little world.  Looking the other way, choosing to not acknowledge or listen doesn't change things.  I know that The Father calls me.  He wants me to come ~ He wants me to hear ~ He wants me to obey and trust that His plan is good.  Yes, I know I've compared my situation to the obedience of a dog.  Let's call it what it is...Sin.  What would you call it if it were your kids or your employees who refused to do as they were told, marching to their own little beat with no regard for anyone else?  It's disobedience, right?  We aren't exempt. If we belong to Him ~ if we trust Him ~ if we believe Him, shouldn't we obey?  Shouldn't we trust Him with the things in life that scare us most?  At the start of a new year, I've always loved the thoughts of new; new beginnings, new opportunities.  I'd make my plans with a fresh perspective and welcome the new year with open arms.  Not this year.  I've been in absolute dread at the thought of surrendering to the fear and change ahead.  This year I'm faced with a change that I'm not ready for.  If you are inclined to pray, just know that I'd be more grateful than I can tell you if you'd remember me and my family in your prayers.  The thing I'm realizing is that change is coming and avoiding it won't stop it.  Avoidance doesn't change the situation or the outcome.  

On this day, head hung low, I'm hearing the words of The Father.  Yes, there is correction but also, there is love!  It's a love that is big and wants to keep me safe ~ it's a love that wants me to learn and grow ~ it's a love that can totally wreck me only to make me better ~ stronger.  Rather than run aimlessly with no direction I think I'll curl up in The Fathers lap.  I'll grab the greatest book ever written, His Word, and chat with Him about the things that have weighed me down, the things that shake me to the core.  Today I return, tired from the run I've been on but grateful to be home where I'm loved and cared for.