You really never arrive...
We so often go through life with our lists of "to-do's" or that mental note of things we must accomplish; things that might make life easier or even give us peace. As a young girl I coveted the latest style of shoes or boots or something that just might make me look "cool" or give the impression that I have it all together. Are we really that different now? Isn't there always something that we feel that we must have to make life easier or something that we want to see happen, something that will actually give us peace or make us happy. In this walk of life and faith, I'm reminded that we will never complete our list of to-do's. In fact, that list will continue to grow and even intensify. For years, I prayed and worried for my son. I prayed for his spiritual well being, for his salvation. With great joy, we celebrated that victory over sin just about a month ago. In my feeble mind I felt some relief and felt that we'd reached the pinnacle. Incredible as it is; I've been reminded that my prayer time is not done. The Lord has reminded me that I need to pray for his daily walk, his relationships, his future wife, marriage and the ability to know "the one" and the timing. My most immediate concern is just friends! Iron sharpens Iron, Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. I desire to see him surrounded by a group of godly friends, friends who will not only hold him accountable but also offer great fellowship. So...my prayers continue.
For my girls, we embark on a new school year and a new school. The older you get, the need to be or feel accepted seems so important. I'm praying for their transition, for their friends and the new relationships they will build. Being in a Christian school, I'm praying that their love for Christ will intensify, that their confidence in him will flourish and that they will discover just what He wants for them in this life. That He will reveal an incredible plan that only he could make bright. I'm praying that the challenges in life will seem less daunting as they look to Him. I'm praying and looking forward to an exciting year of growth in the lives of an 8th grader & a 5th grader. I'm praying for knowledge & learning to come swiftly & easily, for great friends and for a greater realization at the hand of God in their every day lives.
Now the bigs...it should be easier and awesome once they reach the point of self sufficiency and venture on into life with spouse & children in tow. Many things make this so untrue; miles for one. The miles between a Mom & daughter can be long and sometimes lonely. Add babies to the mix and you really realize how very much you miss out on. As grateful as I am for her fabulous husband and the love and protection he offers, it's still sad. Those long work days or days of sickness when a Mom could be handy...I miss out on those. For us; phone calls, face time & Skype are essential. Technology makes things bearable and for that I'm grateful. At this point we have the blessing of counting down to our next visit...and so the count begins. Bring on the days of making memories, this Tootsie is ready!
Here I am with emotions up & down like a yo-yo or back & forth like a ping pong ball. I yearn for peace in all of the kids lives. I want them all to have incredible marriages and beautiful, healthy, thriving families, loving & serving The Lord together. As an adopted Mom I always teeter on where my boundary is or what my role really is and what will be accepted or welcomed. At this age, I'm really not sure of the the role of their Mom or as a Mother-in law or how much advice is acceptable. Probably more than I should, I remain quiet but ready to erupt like a kettle on a stove about to boil over. Moms usually feel that they have the perfect advice but it's hard to watch your kids make mistakes on their own & pray they learn from them. I do wish there was an instruction manual that would offer me perspective, boundaries on when to speak out and when to just sit silently and pray. This perhaps is the hardest...feeling that you have the answers but watching a relationship implode before your eyes with a precious little one caught in the middle of the madness. I wish I could make it better, but I can't. In my heart it pains me that this relationship always seems one step forward & two steps back. In my heart I desire normal consistency. Maybe one day all walls will come down and we'll see beautiful restoration. As of now, I wait and I pray. I pray for beauty in the ashes, for restoration, healed hearts, pride to be abolished, openness in communication, willingness to bend and grow and for Christ to be glorified! My flesh wants instantaneous results so for myself, I pray for patience.
So the proof is all here...I haven't arrived. My arrival will not be until I grace the gates of heaven and my Father welcomes me home. I pray at that time I might hear him say, "well done my good and faithful servant". So until then, I'll continue to pray .
For my girls, we embark on a new school year and a new school. The older you get, the need to be or feel accepted seems so important. I'm praying for their transition, for their friends and the new relationships they will build. Being in a Christian school, I'm praying that their love for Christ will intensify, that their confidence in him will flourish and that they will discover just what He wants for them in this life. That He will reveal an incredible plan that only he could make bright. I'm praying that the challenges in life will seem less daunting as they look to Him. I'm praying and looking forward to an exciting year of growth in the lives of an 8th grader & a 5th grader. I'm praying for knowledge & learning to come swiftly & easily, for great friends and for a greater realization at the hand of God in their every day lives.
Now the bigs...it should be easier and awesome once they reach the point of self sufficiency and venture on into life with spouse & children in tow. Many things make this so untrue; miles for one. The miles between a Mom & daughter can be long and sometimes lonely. Add babies to the mix and you really realize how very much you miss out on. As grateful as I am for her fabulous husband and the love and protection he offers, it's still sad. Those long work days or days of sickness when a Mom could be handy...I miss out on those. For us; phone calls, face time & Skype are essential. Technology makes things bearable and for that I'm grateful. At this point we have the blessing of counting down to our next visit...and so the count begins. Bring on the days of making memories, this Tootsie is ready!
Here I am with emotions up & down like a yo-yo or back & forth like a ping pong ball. I yearn for peace in all of the kids lives. I want them all to have incredible marriages and beautiful, healthy, thriving families, loving & serving The Lord together. As an adopted Mom I always teeter on where my boundary is or what my role really is and what will be accepted or welcomed. At this age, I'm really not sure of the the role of their Mom or as a Mother-in law or how much advice is acceptable. Probably more than I should, I remain quiet but ready to erupt like a kettle on a stove about to boil over. Moms usually feel that they have the perfect advice but it's hard to watch your kids make mistakes on their own & pray they learn from them. I do wish there was an instruction manual that would offer me perspective, boundaries on when to speak out and when to just sit silently and pray. This perhaps is the hardest...feeling that you have the answers but watching a relationship implode before your eyes with a precious little one caught in the middle of the madness. I wish I could make it better, but I can't. In my heart it pains me that this relationship always seems one step forward & two steps back. In my heart I desire normal consistency. Maybe one day all walls will come down and we'll see beautiful restoration. As of now, I wait and I pray. I pray for beauty in the ashes, for restoration, healed hearts, pride to be abolished, openness in communication, willingness to bend and grow and for Christ to be glorified! My flesh wants instantaneous results so for myself, I pray for patience.
So the proof is all here...I haven't arrived. My arrival will not be until I grace the gates of heaven and my Father welcomes me home. I pray at that time I might hear him say, "well done my good and faithful servant". So until then, I'll continue to pray .
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